Welcome back to another episode of the happya life podcast, this week I want to talk about the feelings of anxiety, stress and overwhelm especially at this time of year. 

I have been working with clients this week and catching up with my peers in business and am already seeing the impact this is having on people’s wellbeing. 

The demands of everyday life, with the worries of all that is going on in the world on top of the demands and expectations of the season are a lot to bear. 

In this episode of the Happya Life I am going to be talking to you about festive anxiety, why it happens, what it looks like and how you can support yourself, so you don’t arrive at Christmas day feeling drained. 

Firstly, I think it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone’s Christmas looks the same. In my own life Christmas has brought about very different emotions depending on my environment, those who are around me and also the influence I have on determining my Christmas. 

If I’m completely honest how I feel about Christmas is a bit of a difficult thing for me to define. I’m simply not sure where my feelings around Christmas sit because to be honest it has been a roller coaster of emotions. As a kid growing up Christmas’ were a bit of a mixed bag, some years were plentiful things were calm at home and the Christmas spirit was running high other times it felt like a pressure cooker was about to explode. And as I went through my teenage years it was about getting through it and faking the Christmas cheer until it was all over. 

It was my grandma that was my Christmas spirit growing up she was magical for me. She did so many tiny things that made it all seem wonderful. She would sleepover with me as a child on Christmas Eve and we would be giggling away snuggled up together until we fell asleep. She always gave the BEST presents too so thoughtful and full of surprises. A gift would never just be what you expected there was always an element of surprise. When she passed away Christmas just wasn’t the same, in fact I heard a relative confirm to my parents that they wouldn’t be doing the usual Christmas with us because there was no point now my Grandma had passed. So that was it was, Christmas didn’t exist? As each year passed it got even harder and one year to avoid it all I volunteered to work throughout the festive period including Christmas Day so I didn’t have to pretend. 

So when I got to having my own home and I was responsible for Christmas I did it large! Every room in the house was decorated. I engaged in Christmas cooking making my own Christmas Cake and Christmas pudding, baking mince pies, even making my own chestnut stuffing. We had Christmas parties and engaged in everything Christmas had to offer. Then having children meant I had some small beings that gave me even more excuses to get excited. I got to watch nativities pretend I was joining in the Panto shout outs to encourage the kids and not just my inner child. I used to wake my husband with cries of Santa’s been! Much to his amusement. 

But all that changed when my husband passed away. Christmas Day 2016 was about survival of hiding my tears in the kitchen whilst checking on the turkey then returning to the children to watch them opening their presents feeling absolutely devastated that Santa hadn’t answered their letters pleading for him to bring their daddy back. Some how I made it through the day but I couldn’t wait to remove every element of Christmas from the house as soon as possible so I didn’t have to endure the Christmas cheer. 

In subsequent years as we recovered as a family I have continued to struggle with finding what Christmas magic looked like for us. I still engaged in what seemingly is expected of me BUT my sparkle wasn’t there. I felt it easier to side with the grinch and how he was misunderstood than finding the energy to be full of Christmas cheer and I think it was because my image of what Christmas should look like was broken. 

But this year I am looking to reconnect with what I enjoyed about Christmas but doing it in a way that doesn’t cause me undue overwhelm or exhaustion. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be picture perfect. The mess the chaos the not having it all together is going to be more than good enough. I get to design my Christmas. So, its 1st December, my Christmas jumper has seen the world! I have a small tree on my desk and my Santa hat is hanging next to me. And this year I am doing what is right for me and my children. The focus will be about what I want to do not what I should do. So there will be no chestnut stuffing – I hate peeling them and don’t even like the flavour. Die Hard, Home Alone, Miracle on 34th Street will all be enjoyed but every day I will be checking in with my wellbeing and making sure my I am looking after myself. 

The festive season is a very demanding time. There is a lot going on which can trigger feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. Whether they are financial pressures, social expectations, relationships pressures, and all the additional demands and expectations that are placed upon us.  

The financial pressures around Christmas and the festive season are huge and especially this year at a time of recession and cost of living increases. The additional food bill, presents, hosting, and social activities all add to the cost. This is on top of the additional costs of the season such as increased energy bills. 

The social expectations of being sociable and of having a jolly demeanour can also be triggering. If you don’t demonstrate these behaviours then you can be labelled a grinch or lacking Christmas cheer, you are bah humbug, a Scrooge. All messages that telling you you are not good enough. Also, if celebrations aren’t your thing, if you don’t embrace the festive spirit then you can be excluded from social events reenforcing feelings of not being good enough. All the pictures instilled in us that Christmas is a time for friends and family, for celebration, for being cosy and warm can make those who are feeling lonely, those who are facing hardship, trauma, or grief even more isolated. 

There is an increased demand on our time and our energy, fitting in more tasks, taking on more roles. Our lives tend to be harder as we negotiate busy shops, our commute is longer, everything is slower. The season brings additional challenges with colder weather and shorter daylight hours meaning our wellbeing is impacted with us getting less vitamin D and less contact with nature. We have to negotiate the additional Christmas party, the visiting relatives, the nativity plays, end of year performances, etc. 

It is a time when relationships can be tested, we are under an increased pressure and that build up of emotion can result in us taking it out on those who are closest to us. We are often forced into situations where we are made to be in environments with individuals who have breached our personal boundaries. We are expected to spend time with people who we don’t usually have contact with! 

In short, it’s all a bit too much! 

There will also be many of you who are experiencing loneliness perhaps you have lost someone close to you or a relationship has broken down. This time of year can be especially difficult. 

And this anxiety can show up it lots of different ways, sleeplessness, racing heart, dry mouth, negative thinking. 

So how can you manage these feelings over the festive period? 

I am going to share with you my top 3 tips for managing anxiety but this does come with a warning. These techniques are treating the symptom they are not addressing the cause of the anxiety and will only work for so long before you find the anxiety has become immune to their effect. So please when you are ready and able its important to get professional support so that you don’t have to manage the symptoms. 

So, for those times when the anxiety is becoming too much here are 3 ways in which you attempt to reduce its impact on you. 

The first is a breathing technique, yes I want you to breathe and you will be surprised at how bad we are at something we do all day everyday! 

So. Get comfortable. Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. Breathe in through your nose for the count of 4, deeply enough that the hand on your stomach rises. Hold the breath for a count of 4, and then exhale slowly through your mouth for the count of 6 as though you are breathing through a straw. Do this practice for a few minutes and you should feel the symptoms reduce. 

An alternative is to use muscle relaxation. Take yourself through process of tensing and releasing your muscles throughout the body. This is a technique I use in hypnotherapy. Using this technique will enable you to recognise feelings of anxiety by noticing where in your body your muscles feel really tense. Understanding your body’s signals means you can respond to them earlier and mastering these techniques will enable you to release the tension that much quicker. 

A third technique is to Challenge the irrational thinking

This is a technique used in therapy when you have a triggering thought you explore that thought against your rationale logic. Ask yourself is my thinking based on fact or feeling? How likely is it that my fear will happen? What is most likely to happen? If my fear did come true, how would I handle it? By using a rational thought process, it can assist in gaining perspective and a sense of control. 

Hopefully these will help you in managing those symptoms and enable you to find some release. 

But also here are some other things to consider to avoid the festivities becoming overwhelming for you. 

Top tips

1.   When these feelings arise – acknowledge them, understand what they are telling you so you can provide the reassurance you need. 

2.   Increase your self-care at this time of year, we all need a little more love and attention. 

3.   Decide what is important to you this festive season and establish your boundaries accordingly. 

4.   Be prepared for situations where you are aware you may be triggered. 

5.   Prioritise your schedule so you avoid overwhelm and burnout. 

6.   Reach out for support, delegate, and importantly accept help! 

7.   Give yourself permission to say NO! 

Don't forget there is still time to join the Treat your self Challenge www.happyacoach.com/treatyourself 

I hope you have enjoyed this episode, I’d really appreciate you leaving me a review and if you have any questions or comments feel free to send them over. You will find all my contact details in the show notes. 

Please do remember 

Many people can feel isolated and overwhelmed at Christmas time and its important that if you or someone you know is feeling like this to know they are not alone and there is help out there. In the UK you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123