Hello, and welcome back to The Happya Life Podcast! I’m Clare Deacon, your guide on this journey from survival to thriving. If this is your first time here, I’m so glad you found us. And if you’re a regular listener – welcome back. You’re exactly where you need to be.

Now, let’s get straight to it. It’s January, and everyone seems to be shouting about “New Year, New You.” We’re bombarded with messages to be better, do more, hustle harder. But let’s be honest – that’s all a bit much, isn’t it?

For some of us, the start of the year isn’t about chasing goals or conquering mountains. It’s about just getting through the day. Maybe you’ve found yourself stuck under the duvet, wondering why you can’t be one of those people who wakes up and says, "Right, that’s it! Dry January, vegan diet, marathon training, and world peace!"

And the reality is, society makes it seem like everyone else has it all figured out. Like everyone else is up at 5 a.m., sipping green juice, smashing through their goals, and somehow finding time to volunteer for world peace negotiations on their lunch break.

But here’s the thing: No one talks about what happens when those lofty resolutions come crashing down. When that burst of motivation fizzles out after a few weeks, or when life throws you a curveball, and suddenly you’re back under the duvet feeling like you’ve failed.

I’ve been there. I know that feeling of thinking, "Why can’t I just get it together?" And it’s not just about the big things, is it? It’s the everyday stuff that adds up. The to-do lists that never seem to end. The pressure to be everything to everyone. The constant feeling of not measuring up to some invisible standard.

And let’s not forget about social media. You scroll through, and there it is – someone’s perfectly curated highlight reel. Their sparkling kitchen, their homemade vegan meal, their 10K run before breakfast. And there you are, still in your pyjamas, wondering if you’ve got the energy to brush your teeth.

Here’s the truth: It’s exhausting. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or like you’re just treading water, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because you’re in survival mode.

And that’s what today’s episode is all about. Giving yourself permission to slow down, to pause, to drop the anchor and steady the ship. Because if you don’t take that time to reset, you’re going to end up stuck in the storm, feeling lost, exhausted, and completely burnt out.

So, let’s leave the hustle culture behind for a moment and focus on what really matters – stabilising the storm, grounding yourself, and finding your way back to a place of calm.

Before we dive in, I want to take a moment to speak to those of you who feel like you’re not in the eye of the storm right now. Maybe you’re feeling ready to take on your next challenge or step into a new chapter. That’s incredible, I’m so proud of you for reaching that place.

But here’s the thing: Even when we’re ready to grow and take action, it’s essential to check in with our foundations. Imagine trying to build a house on shaky ground it wouldn’t hold up, right? It’s the same with your well-being. If you’re planning to push yourself forward, you need to make sure you’ve got a solid base of self-care and well-being to support you through the journey.

This episode is for you, too. Because when you take on new challenges, your nervous system will still experience stress even if it’s exciting stress. So, before you take that leap, I want you to ask yourself: “Is my well-being strong enough to carry me through?”

If not, that’s okay! We’re going to talk today about how to stabilise your well-being so that you have the resilience and strength to tackle your goals without burning out.

Let’s talk about survival mode. You know that feeling when even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming? When just getting through the day feels like climbing a mountain? That’s survival mode.

It’s not a weakness. It’s not laziness. It’s your body doing exactly what it’s designed to do – keep you safe in times of stress.

Survival mode shows up in different ways:

• You might feel exhausted, even after a full night’s sleep.
• You might feel ashamed that you’re not doing enough or that you’re falling behind on all the “shoulds” society places on us.
• You might know all the benefits of exercise, mindfulness, or healthy eating – but getting started feels impossible.

Your brain has an alarm system called the amygdala. Think of it like a smoke detector. When it senses danger – whether it’s a real threat or just the stress of everyday life – it goes off. It triggers your fight, flight, or freeze response to protect you.

But here’s the catch: Sometimes the alarm doesn’t switch off. It keeps going, even when the danger has passed. That’s when you find yourself stuck in survival mode, feeling exhausted, detached, and overwhelmed.

Realising I was in survival mode – and had been for most of my life – was a lightbulb moment for me. After my husband passed away, I thought I was broken. I couldn’t understand why I was reacting the way I was.

Then I learned about the amygdala and survival mode, and suddenly it made sense. My body wasn’t failing me; it was trying to keep me safe. That understanding allowed me to show myself some compassion. For the first time in a long time, I could start to understand who I was and what I needed.

That was the first step in feeling safe enough to begin the journey out of survival mode.

Here’s the thing: You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re human. Your body is doing its best to keep you safe, but you aren’t meant to stay in survival mode forever.

Let’s dig a little deeper into what’s happening in your brain when you’re in survival mode.

Imagine your brain as a ship in a storm. The amygdala is the panicked captain, yelling out orders to protect the ship from danger. It’s scanning the horizon for threats, real or imagined, and making split-second decisions to keep you safe.

Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, the ship’s calm navigator, responsible for logical thinking and planning, gets pushed aside. The amygdala’s panic drowns out the navigator’s steady voice, leaving you reacting to the storm instead of steering through it.

This is why, when you’re in survival mode, it’s hard to make decisions. It’s hard to focus on anything beyond immediate reactions. The storm feels overwhelming because you’ve lost access to the part of your brain that helps you find direction.

And the longer you stay in survival mode, the more cortisol, the stress hormone, floods your system. It’s like your ship is taking on water, making it harder to stay afloat. Elevated cortisol levels impact your sleep, immunity, and emotional regulation. No wonder you feel exhausted, on edge, or emotionally drained.

But here’s the hope: You can help your brain switch gears. You can calm the panicked captain and let the navigator take the wheel again.

One way to do this is by grounding yourself in the present moment. Picture yourself dropping an anchor in that stormy sea. Feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breath, and notice the world around you. This grounding practice helps bring your prefrontal cortex back online, giving you the clarity to navigate through the storm.

Here’s a question to ask yourself: "What’s actually happening right now?" This simple question can snap you out of reactive mode and help you reconnect with your calmer, more rational self.

Remember, the storm doesn’t last forever. And with the right tools, you can navigate your way through it.

Let’s talk about why so many of us feel wiped out right now.

The holidays are supposed to be joyful, but they’re also full of expectations. There’s pressure to show up, give, and make everything perfect. Maybe you spent the season people-pleasing or overextending yourself to keep the peace.

And for those of us who have experienced grief, this time of year can be especially hard. Traditions and memories stir up emotions. The absence of loved ones feels heavier. It’s like being reminded, over and over, of what’s missing. And instead of feeling festive, you might feel like you’re just trying to hold it all together.

And now, instead of feeling refreshed, you feel drained. Like you’ve run a marathon, only to be told you need to sprint again.

Here’s the reality: Rest is not laziness. Rest is repair. It’s how we stabilise our nervous system and come back to ourselves.

Think of it like dropping anchor. You’re not giving up on your journey. You’re taking a moment to steady the ship. Without that pause, the journey will be rougher. You risk capsizing, or just staying lost at sea.

So if you’re feeling tired, let yourself rest. You don’t need anyone’s permission but your own. Rest is an investment in your well-being, and it’s what will give you the strength to continue.

Let’s talk about something that can really help when life feels like too much, the Happya Survival Kit.

I want you to think about this: When was the last time you checked in with yourself? I’m not talking about ticking things off your to-do list or keeping up with everyone else’s demands. I mean really checking in with what you need.

The Happya Survival Kit is built around that exact idea. It’s a way to tune into your body, your emotions, your mind, and your relationships to see where you might be running on empty.

Here’s how I like to explain it: Imagine you’ve got four batteries inside you. There’s your body battery, your emotional battery, your mental battery, and your social battery. When those batteries are charged, life feels more manageable. But when they’re drained, even small things can feel overwhelming.

So, let’s check in:

• How’s your body battery? Are you getting enough rest and nourishment? Or are you running on caffeine and adrenaline?
• What about your emotional battery? Are you allowing yourself to feel your emotions, or are you bottling everything up?
• And your mental battery? Is your mind racing with thoughts and worries, or are you finding moments of clarity and calm?
• Finally, your social battery. Are you connecting with people who uplift you, or are you feeling isolated and disconnected?

If you’re curious about where your own batteries are at and want a gentle way to start exploring this, I’ve created a free guide called Discover Your Happya: Reclaim Your Well-being Through Self-Care.

It’s a workbook designed to help you reflect on your current well-being and give you practical ideas to start recharging those batteries. It’s packed with simple exercises and prompts to help you reconnect with yourself.

You can download it for free at happyacoach.com/discover. It’s my way of giving you something tangible to support your journey.

And if you want to go even deeper, the Happya Survival Kit course takes you through each area step by step, helping you build your own personalised self-care plan. But for now, start with the guide. It’s a great first step toward feeling more grounded and supported.

Let’s finish up with a few practical steps you can take right now to stabilise your storm.

First, ask yourself what you need today. It sounds simple, but how often do you really check in with yourself? Take a moment to pause and ask, "What would help me feel more grounded right now?"

Second, practice grounding exercises. Grounding is about bringing yourself back to the present moment. Whether it’s taking a deep breath, feeling your feet on the ground, or naming things you can see, hear, and feel, it all helps to calm your nervous system.

Third, create a safety routine. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Maybe it’s having your morning coffee in peace, going for a short walk, or listening to your favourite podcast (like this one!). Small, predictable routines can make a big difference.

Fourth, move your body in a way that feels good. This isn’t about intense workouts unless that’s what you love. It could be stretching, dancing in your kitchen, or a gentle walk outside. Movement helps release tension and reset your nervous system.

And finally, reach out to someone you trust. Connection is one of the most powerful ways to feel safe and supported. Send a message, make a call, or meet for a chat. You’re not alone in this.

Before we wrap up, I want to remind you of this: You are enough, exactly as you are. You don’t need to do more, be more, or prove your worth to anyone.

If your body is asking for rest, listen. Rest is how you repair, how you stabilise your storm, and how you come back to yourself.

Remember to download the free guide Discover Your Happya: Reclaim Your Well-being Through Self-Care at happyacoach.com/discover. It’s a great first step toward feeling more supported and grounded.

And if you’re sitting there thinking, “This all sounds great, but I’m not sure I’ve got the energy to even open the guide,” that’s okay too. Maybe your first step today is simply to pause and breathe. To remind yourself that stabilising the storm isn’t about fixing everything at once. It’s about small, intentional steps.

I’d love to hear from you. Share how you’re stabilising your storm this week by connecting with me on Instagram at @happyacoach. I read every message, and it means the world to know that these conversations are making a difference.

And if this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to share it with someone who might need it. We never know who’s in the middle of their storm and might be waiting to hear these words.

You’ve weathered so much already. Trust that you have everything within you to find calm, to drop anchor, and to keep moving forward at your own pace.

Until next time, take care of yourself. You deserve to be blooming Happya. 🌸