Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast, where we talk about life beyond survival because let’s be real, just getting by is not what we’re here for. I’m Clare, your host, positive psychology coach, and the person who’s been exactly where you are if you’ve ever thought, I just don’t trust myself anymore.

Have you ever second-guessed every decision you make? Found yourself looking to other people for answers, doubting your own instincts, and worrying that you’ll just get it wrong again? Maybe you’ve ignored your gut feelings in the past and ended up hurt, so now you hesitate. Maybe you’ve made choices that didn’t work out, and now self-doubt is running the show.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. But here’s what I want you to know: you can trust yourself again. You can rebuild self-trust, even if it feels impossible right now.

Today, we’re talking about what happens when self-trust is broken, why it’s so hard to get back, and most importantly how you can start listening to yourself again with confidence.

And if, at any point, you’re thinking, I need more help with this, I’ve got you. Book a free chat with me, or if talking feels like too much, drop me an email.

Alright, let’s get into it.

Self-trust isn’t something we’re born lacking, it’s something that gets eroded over time. And often, we don’t even realise it’s happening until we’re stuck in constant self-doubt.

So where does it come from?

For a lot of people, it starts in childhood. If you grew up being told that your feelings were "too much" or "wrong," you may have learned to suppress them. If you were criticised for your choices, you may have started believing that you couldn’t make good ones. If you were constantly given advice but never encouraged to trust your own judgment, then second-guessing yourself probably became second nature.

Then there are the experiences that happen later times when we did trust ourselves, but things didn’t go as planned. Maybe you followed your intuition in a relationship, a career move, or a big life decision, and it didn’t work out. Maybe you were gaslit or manipulated, and now you don’t know whether to trust your perception of reality. Maybe you made what felt like the right decision at the time, only to be met with pain, failure, or regret.

And when that happens enough times, the message our brain receives is: I clearly don’t know what I’m doing. I should probably just listen to other people instead.

The problem? The more we ignore our inner voice, the harder it becomes to hear it. And soon, we don’t even know what we want, because we’ve been outsourcing our decisions to other people, overthinking everything, and doubting ourselves at every turn.

If that’s where you are right now, I want you to take a deep breath, because this is not the end of your story. Self-trust is something that can be rebuilt.

If you’ve spent years doubting yourself, it’s not realistic to wake up one day and magically feel confident in your choices. Self-trust is like a muscle, it needs time, consistency, and practice to grow stronger. Here’s how you start:

1. Start with Small Decisions

If trusting yourself feels terrifying, don’t start with the big, life-altering choices. Start with the tiny ones. What do I want for dinner? Which book do I feel like reading? What do I think about this situation before asking someone else?

When you make a decision, any decision, and follow through, you send a signal to your brain that says, I can trust myself to choose. And those small decisions? They add up.

2. Recognise When You’re Outsourcing Your Power

Do you immediately ask others for advice before even considering your own opinion? Do you second-guess your feelings because you’re afraid of being "wrong"? Do you constantly check for reassurance before making a move?

If so, start by pausing before seeking outside input. The next time you have a decision to make, sit with it first. Write down what you think. Trust that your opinion is valid, even if it’s different from what others might say.

3. Reconnect with Your Inner Voice

Your gut instincts, your intuition, your knowing, it’s still there. It’s just been buried under years of doubt and external noise. One of the best ways to start hearing it again is to create space for quiet reflection.

Journaling, meditation, or even just sitting in silence for a few minutes each day can help you tune back in. Ask yourself: What do I truly want? What feels right to me? And listen.

4. Learn from Past Mistakes (Without Shame)

One of the biggest barriers to self-trust is fear of getting it wrong again. But here’s the thing: trusting yourself doesn’t mean you’ll never make mistakes. It means knowing that even if you do, you can handle it.

Instead of beating yourself up for past decisions, look at them with curiosity. What did I learn? What would I do differently now? Growth comes from reflection, not shame.

5. Keep Promises to Yourself

When you constantly break promises to yourself, whether it’s something big like leaving a toxic job or something small like drinking more water, it reinforces the belief that you can’t trust yourself. Start small. Make a commitment, follow through, and prove to yourself that your word matters.

Learning to trust yourself again takes time, but I promise you it’s worth it. Because when you start to trust yourself, everything changes. Decisions become easier. Self-doubt quiets down. And most importantly, you start feeling like you again.

So here’s my challenge to you: Pick one small way to trust yourself today. It doesn’t have to be life-changing, just one tiny act of self-trust. Choose what you want for lunch. Say no to something that doesn’t feel right. Listen to your gut before asking for advice. Every little moment adds up.

And if you need more support with this, let’s talk. Book a free chat with me, or if a call feels like too much, drop me an email.

And if this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it too. You never know who’s struggling with self-doubt in silence.

Until next time, be kind to yourself. You are learning. You are growing. And you can trust yourself again.