Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast, where we talk about life beyond survival because let’s be honest, you are not here just to “get through” life. I’m Clare, your host, positive psychology coach, and your friendly reminder that thriving has absolutely nothing to do with having your life perfectly together.

Because let’s be real, how many times have you thought, Once I’ve sorted my life out, then I’ll be thriving? Maybe you tell yourself it’ll happen when you finally feel confident every day, when you hit all your goals effortlessly, when you stop overthinking everything and wake up each morning feeling completely zen.

But let me ask you something, what if thriving isn’t what you think it is?

Because somewhere along the way, we got sold this idea that thriving means always being happy, always successful, always calm and in control. That if you’re struggling, if you’re messy, if you’re overwhelmed, then you must not be doing it right.

And that? That’s complete rubbish.

Because thriving isn’t about reaching some perfect, final destination where nothing ever goes wrong again. It’s about how you live through the messy, imperfect, unpredictable parts of life.

So today, we’re going to break down:
✅ What thriving actually looks like (hint: it’s not perfection).
✅ Why chasing the illusion of having it all together is what’s actually keeping you stuck.
✅ How to redefine thriving on your own terms, so you stop feeling like you’re failing at it.

And if, at any point, you think, I need more support with this, I’ve got you let’s have a coffee and a chat, or drop me an email.

Alright, let’s get into it.

Let’s just call this out straight away, nobody actually has it all together.

I don’t care how polished someone looks on Instagram. I don’t care how perfectly curated their morning routine is, or how effortlessly they seem to juggle work, life, and relationships. Because behind the scenes? Everyone has chaos. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has those moments where they’re eating cereal for dinner and questioning all their life choices.

But we’ve been conditioned to believe that thriving means reaching some magical state where:

🚀 You’re always motivated.
 🚀 You never have bad days.
 🚀 You wake up at 5am for yoga and green smoothies (and actually enjoy it).
 🚀 You’ve “figured it all out.”

And if you don’t have all that? Then clearly, you must be failing.

But let’s flip that for a second. What if thriving isn’t about perfection at all? What if it’s about how you navigate the mess, rather than eliminating it?

Because here’s the truth: Thriving isn’t about never struggling. It’s about knowing you can handle the struggle.

It’s a common misconception about positive psychology that it fails to acknowledge hardship and trauma but its quite the opposite whilst referred as the dark side positive psychology has a significant and increasing roll to play in recovery from trauma and some of you will have heard me speak about post traumatic growth the experience of thriving in the aftermath of trauma and I will cover that in future episodes as to what that looks like. 

So, if it’s not about perfection, then what is thriving?

Well, thriving looks different for everyone, but here’s what I’ve seen time and time again, both in research and in real life:

✨ Thriving is knowing how to pick yourself up after a setback.
 It’s about resilience. Not avoiding failure altogether, but trusting that when it happens, you’ll figure out a way forward. Because failure does not determine your worth it is simply data from which you can choose to learn and grow. 

✨ Thriving is giving yourself permission to rest.
 Not because you’ve “earned it,” but because you’re a human being, not a machine. Listening to your mind and body and giving it what it needs is thriving. 

✨ Thriving is feeling your emotions without letting them control you.
 It’s allowing yourself to feel sadness, frustration, even fear but not making them mean you’re failing. Not allowing them to define who you are, your worth, your success or determine your actions. Moreover, processing and acknowledging the impact living as on your mind and body. 

✨ Thriving is embracing imperfection.
 It’s understanding that a “good life” doesn’t mean a perfect life. It means a life where you give yourself grace to be human. There is no such thing as perfect, perfection is simply an opinion just like what you choose to enjoy, your likes or dislikes there may be commonalities amongst groups of what they like either through genuine enjoyment or conforming but you deciding to love pineapple on your pizza whilst in my eyes WRONG! Does not make you less than perfect. What makes you perfect is you being you. 

✨ Thriving is defining success on your own terms.
 Not based on society’s expectations. Not based on what you think you should be doing. But based on what actually matters to you. How many times a day do you should yourself? I should be, do, think, feel, I hear them all in my own head, from friends, colleagues, clients, social media, in the café it’s a pandemic! 

Let’s talk about something that keeps so many of us stuck: perfectionism.

That little voice that says:
❌ You’re only thriving if everything is flawless.
❌ You can’t celebrate progress unless you’ve reached the final goal.
❌ If you’re struggling, it must mean you’re doing something wrong.

But here’s the thing, perfectionism doesn’t help you thrive. It stops you from even trying.

Because if you believe you have to do everything perfectly, you’ll wait forever before taking action. You’ll never feel “ready” enough. And you’ll keep moving the goalpost further and further away.

So if you’ve been waiting until you feel completely confident, completely prepared, completely in control, you will never start.

Positive psychology tells us that thriving isn’t about flawlessness, it’s about progress, adaptability, and resilience. Research on psychological well-being shows that those who embrace a growth mindset, where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities, experience greater fulfilment and success.

So instead of waiting to feel completely confident, prepared, and in control, what if you embraced the discomfort of starting before you're “ready”?

Thriving is not about perfection; it’s about momentum. The real key? Taking the next step even when it’s messy. Because growth happens in the doing, not in the waiting.

So, if thriving isn’t about perfection, then how do you actually do it?

Step One: Define Thriving for Yourself

Thriving is deeply personal. It’s not about ticking off society’s checklist of success but about creating a life that feels aligned, fulfilling, and meaningful to you.

Take a moment and ask yourself:
💭 What would a thriving life actually look like for me?
💭 If I let go of perfection, what would change?
💭 If I wasn’t trying to meet someone else’s expectations, how would I measure success?

Thriving isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. It’s personal.

Positive psychology tells us that well-being is not a destination, it’s a combination of autonomy, purpose, and emotional richness. Defining thriving on your own terms allows you to reclaim control and start shaping a life that feels genuinely fulfilling.

Step Two: Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

Perfectionism convinces us that thriving means having it all figured out. But real growth? It’s in the messy middle.

The next time you think, I’m not thriving because I’m struggling, remind yourself:

💡 Struggle doesn’t mean failure.
💡 Growth isn’t always comfortable.
💡 Every small, imperfect step forward still counts.

Research on self-compassion shows that those who acknowledge their efforts, rather than criticising their perceived shortcomings, experience higher motivation and well-being. Thriving isn’t about flawless execution, it’s about showing up, adjusting, and moving forward.

Step Three: Give Yourself Permission to Rest

Thriving isn’t about pushing until there’s nothing left of you. If you only allow yourself to rest after exhaustion, you’re still stuck in survival mode.

Rest is not a reward for productivity; it’s a fundamental part of sustaining energy, creativity, and well-being. True thriving means:
✔ Listening to your body before burnout hits.

✔ Recognising that rest is an investment, not an indulgence.
✔ Understanding that slowing down doesn’t mean stopping.

From a positive psychology perspective, rest enhances resilience, cognitive function, and emotional regulation. Thriving isn’t just about movement, it’s about knowing when to pause so you can continue with clarity and strength.

Step Four: Build Self-Trust

Thriving doesn’t mean having all the answers, it means trusting yourself to figure things out along the way. And that means:
✔ Taking action before you feel completely ready.
✔ Letting yourself be messy in the process.
✔ Believing that even when things don’t go to plan, you are adaptable enough to find a way through.

Self-trust is built in the small moments, when you honour your own needs, when you listen to your intuition, when you show up despite uncertainty. And the more you trust yourself, the more your confidence and resilience grow.

Remember: Thriving isn’t something you achieve someday, it’s something you cultivate daily. And it starts with giving yourself permission to grow, rest, and redefine success on your own terms.

Thriving is not a finish line you cross. It’s not a gold star you finally earn when you’ve done enough, healed enough, or “fixed” yourself enough. Thriving is how you live, right now, in the middle of the mess.

It’s not about waiting until life is easier, smoother, or more Instagram-worthy. It’s about embracing what’s real, choosing what matters, and trusting yourself, even on the days when thriving just looks like getting through.

So here’s my challenge for you this week:

🌱 Decide what thriving means to YOU. No more comparing. No more “shoulds.” Just your definition.
🌱 Celebrate where you are. Not where you think you should be, but where you actually are.
🌱 Give yourself permission to thrive, exactly as you are today.

Because thriving isn’t a destination. It’s a daily decision.

And if you want support in making this shift, let’s talk. Book a chat at happyacoach.com/chat or send me an email at clare@happyacoach.com, and I’ll send you some resources.

Until next time, be kind to yourself. You’re already thriving more than you realise.