Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast, where we talk about life beyond survival because let’s be real, you weren’t made to just "get through" life. I’m Clare, your host, positive psychology coach, therapist, science nerd, and someone who knows what it feels like to lose yourself while trying to fit in.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt like they’re playing a role, editing themselves to be more acceptable, more agreeable, more palatable. Anyone who’s ever thought:

• Why do I feel like I’m faking it?
• When did I start caring so much about what everyone else thinks?
• Who even am I underneath all this?

Because staying true to yourself in a world that constantly tells you to conform isn’t just hard it can feel impossible. But it’s not. And today, we’re going to talk about why.

We’ll explore: 

✅ Why authenticity feels hard (and what authenticity really means). 

✅ The real cost of hiding your true self. 

✅ How to start reconnecting with who you are underneath the performance.

So, deep breath. This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about remembering who you are. Let’s get into it.

Let’s be honest: most people aren’t walking around saying, “I want to live more authentically.” That’s not what we say over coffee with a mate. What we say is more like:

“I just want to stop pretending.” “I wish I could say what I actually think.” “I feel like I’ve lost myself.”

That’s authenticity. It’s not about some idealised, raw, perfect version of yourself. It’s about being able to show up without constantly editing. About feeling like your inside world matches your outside one.

And that? Is hard. Because we were never taught that being ourselves was safe. We were taught:

• To be polite instead of honest.
• To be agreeable instead of assertive.
• To be what people needed, not who we are.

And let’s talk about your nervous system for a second. If you grew up in an environment where you had to shrink, please, or perform to feel accepted or safe then of course you learned to adapt. Your brain wired itself for survival, not authenticity. That’s not weakness. That’s intelligence. That’s you doing what you had to do.

But that mask? It gets heavy. And at some point, the cost of wearing it starts to outweigh the safety it once gave you.

Here’s the bit we don’t talk about enough: Every time you silence your truth to make someone else comfortable, you’re sending a message to yourself that who you are is not valid.

You might not realise it, but over time, it chips away at your confidence. Your sense of self. Your joy.

You start thinking:

• Maybe my dreams are silly.
• Maybe my needs are too much.
• Maybe I’m just difficult.

It shows up as:

• Exhaustion. Because performance is tiring.
• Resentment. Because your needs aren’t being met.
• Confusion. Because you don’t know what’s truly yours anymore.

And the worst part? You start doubting whether you’re even allowed to want more. That’s how deeply this stuff gets in.

But listen, your desires matter. Your truth matters. You don’t have to justify your needs to anyone. The cost of hiding is you. And you’re worth more than that.

So how do you actually start showing up as yourself again?

You don’t need to burn it all down or shout your truth from the rooftops (unless you want to). You just need to begin.

Here’s what that can look like:

1. Start by noticing where you’re performing. What situations make you feel like you have to wear a mask? What relationships require you to filter? Awareness is the first step.
2. Ask: Who am I when no one’s watching? What do you actually enjoy? What do you think, believe, feel when you’re not influenced by what others want from you?
3. Reconnect with your values. Not the ones you think you should have. The ones that feel like truth in your bones. Compassion? Freedom? Creativity? Start making small choices that align with those values.
4. Be honest with yourself first. Before you can be real with others, you have to be real with yourself. That means honouring your truth, even if you’re not ready to share it yet.
5. Let yourself be seen, bit by bit. You don’t have to do it all at once. Authenticity is a muscle. Start small. Speak up in that meeting. Say no to something that doesn’t feel right. Wear the outfit that feels like you. Let someone in.

I’m not here to tell you to "just be yourself." Because if it was that easy, you’d have done it by now.

I work with people who are tired of performing. Who want to feel seen, not just for what they do, but for who they are. Who want to stop shape-shifting and start belonging to themselves.

And I do it through a trauma-informed lens, rooted in positive psychology, neuroscience, and years of experience walking this path myself.

Because the truth is: You don’t need another script. You need to trust your voice. You don’t need another mask. You need a mirror.

And if you felt something shift while listening to this? If there’s a small voice inside saying, “Maybe this is where I begin” then come talk to me.

Let’s find out who you are underneath it all. Together.

You were never meant to be a carbon copy. You were never meant to live your life by someone else’s blueprint.

You don’t have to rebel loudly. You just have to return quietly, steadily, bravely to yourself.

So here’s your reminder: You are not too much. You are not too messy. You are not behind.

You are becoming.

And if you want support, I’m here. Book a free chat at happyacoach.com/chat or email me at clare@happyacoach.com.

Until next time, stay true to yourself. You’re the only one who can.