Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast, where we talk about life beyond survival because you were never meant to just “get through” life. I’m Clare, your host, positive psychology coach, therapist, and the woman who knows that when self-care feels impossible, it’s usually the moment you need it most.

Today’s episode is a big one, especially if you’re someone who’s always been the helper, the giver, the one holding everything together for everyone else.

Because we’re talking about self-care, not the version sold to us in magazines or spa adverts but the real, essential kind. The kind that feels overwhelming when you’re already running on empty.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking:

• “I know I should look after myself, but there’s just no time.”
• “It feels selfish when other people need me more.”
• “I’m so tired… but even resting feels like too much effort.”

If that’s you? You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re human. And more importantly, you’re not alone.

In this episode, we’re going to explore: 

✅ Why self-care can feel so hard when we need it most.
 ✅ The myths we’ve been sold (and why they’re keeping us stuck).
 ✅ How to start small with compassion, not guilt.

And yes, I’ll also be sharing how you can go deeper with my Happya Survival Kit, a course that helps you love yourself beyond survival by working through the four essential pillars of wellbeing. It’s usually £197, but for Easter, I’m offering it for just 50% off because you deserve that support.

But before we get to that, let’s talk about why this matters in the first place.

Here’s the truth no one says out loud: self-care often feels hardest when you need it most.

Because when you're exhausted, overwhelmed, emotionally flooded, your nervous system goes into protection mode. That “to-do list” version of self-care suddenly feels like one more demand. And when you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing, constantly tending to everyone else’s needs, even considering your needs can feel selfish, or just completely foreign.

And if you grew up being praised for how strong, reliable, or giving you are, it’s no wonder that slowing down to tend to yourself now feels like a betrayal of that identity.

But here’s the part I need you to hear: Your needs are not a problem to solve.
 They are a part of being alive.

Self-care is not a reward for being productive enough. It’s as essential as food, water, and oxygen. And when you neglect your emotional, mental, and social needs, it’s like running a machine with no fuel. Eventually, something breaks.

This isn’t about spa days. This is the foundation of surviving and the cornerstone of success. Because when you tend to your needs, you don’t just make it through the day you give the world the best of you, and you thrive.

So what does real self-care actually look like?

Let’s ditch the bubble baths and glossy “treat yourself” memes for a moment.

Because real self-care isn’t a checklist it’s a relationship. It’s not about what looks good on the outside, it’s about what actually supports you on the inside. And here’s what I want you to hear:

Self-care is deeply personal.
 Your tastes, your values, your life experiences no one else has lived your life, seen through your eyes, or carried your exact load. Even if you've stood in the same room as someone else, your lens on the world was yours alone. So how could your needs be the same?

What works for one person might feel completely wrong for another and that’s not failure, it’s biology, personality, and context.

Because self-care isn’t just about who you are it’s also about where you are in your life right now.

Take this example:

I have two clients.
 Both are overwhelmed working mums juggling careers and households. Both feel they’re running on empty. But their needs? Couldn’t be more different.

✨ One finds solace in early morning quiet a walk with her dog, a few minutes journaling before the house wakes. For her, self-care is solitude, reflection, peace.

✨ The other recharges by connecting grabbing coffee with a friend, phoning her sister for a 10-minute vent. For her, self-care is support, conversation, community.

Same challenge. Different nervous systems. Different stories. Different care.

This is why there’s no one-size-fits-all plan. Real self-care is flexible. It's a moment-by-moment conversation with yourself.

It’s:
 • Going to bed when your body says “enough.”
 • Saying no when your energy says “not today.”
 • Eating food that actually fuels you not your guilt.
 • Taking a breath before reacting because you matter.
 • Noticing what you need now, not what you think you “should” need.

And if today, all you can manage is making a cup of tea and staring out the window for five quiet minutes? That still counts.

Because self-care isn’t just for the days when everything falls apart. It’s the daily act of replenishing your inner resources so you don’t have to run on empty to begin with.

It’s how you stay grounded in the chaos.
 It’s how you reconnect with who you are, underneath the noise.
 And it’s how you give the world the best of you not what’s left of you.

Real self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s your foundation.
 Not just to survive but to live, lead, and love fully.
 Every. Single. Day.

Self-care isn’t just about candles and calm playlists it’s about capacity.
 And right now, if you’re feeling flat, foggy, or emotionally fried, it might be because your internal batteries are running low.

Think of it this way, you have four core batteries that power your wellbeing:

🔋 Physical – Your energy bank. Sleep, movement, nourishment.
🔋 Emotional – Your heart space. Feeling supported, being kind to yourself, allowing your emotions without judgement.
🔋 Mental – Your mind’s clarity. Space to think, room to breathe, stimulation that excites rather than exhausts.
🔋 Social – Your sense of connection. Feeling seen, heard, valued, and knowing when to say no.

When one battery’s drained, it affects the others. When all four are depleted? You feel like you’re running on fumes.
 And most of us are taught to push through. To override the warning lights. To prioritise everyone else’s needs until we don’t even know what our own are anymore.

But here’s the thing, you don’t recharge by accident. You recharge by intention. Gently. Proactively. One small act at a time.
And that’s where the Happya Survival Kit can help.

I created this course because I saw too many brilliant, capable women showing up for everyone else while silently burning out behind the scenes.

The Happya Survival Kit isn’t about “getting through” another day. It’s about learning how to sustain yourself.
 It’s a trauma-informed, soul-nourishing, completely doable approach to self-care that doesn’t ask you to become someone else, it helps you come back to yourself.

Inside, I walk you through each of the four batteries, physical, emotional, mental, and social with short lessons and powerful tools to help you identify what you actually need and how to honour it.

Whether you're in survival mode or rebuilding after burnout, or looking to take your self-care to the next level this isn’t about fluffy advice, it’s about creating your own self-care blueprint. One that fits your life, your nervous system, and your energy.

Because when you’re charged up?
🌱 You’re more grounded.
 🌱 You’re more present.
 🌱 You’re more you.

And because it’s Easter and I want this to be accessible to as many people as possible you can get the full course for just £98.50 (normally £197) until Easter Monday with code HappyaEaster.

🧡 You can find out more at happyacoach.com/survivalkit

This is your reminder: self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential.
 It’s how you stop running on empty and start living fully.

You don’t have to wait until everything calms down. You don’t have to overhaul your life. You just need to begin, gently.

Try this:

• Pause for 30 seconds. Put your hand on your heart. Ask: What do I need right now?
• Choose one small act of care. A cup of tea. Saying no. Stepping outside. Texting a friend.
• Speak to yourself like someone you deeply care about. Because you are.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential, especially when you’re the one holding so much together.

If self-care has felt like something reserved for other people, people with more time, more support, more everything, I want you to hear this:

You are just as worthy of care as anyone else.
 You don’t have to earn it. You just have to allow it.

Start small. Start messy. Start now.

And if you want to go deeper, into the real, holistic kind of self-care that helps you move from surviving to thriving, check out the Happya Survival Kit at happyacoach.com/survivalkit. It’s just £98.50 until Easter Monday 21st April 2025. Code HappyaEaster

You don’t need to be fixed.
 You just need support that actually sees all of you.

Until next time, be kind to yourself. You matter too.