Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast. I’m Clare Deacon, positive psychology coach, trauma-informed therapist, and someone who knows a thing or two about looking like you’ve got it all together… while silently running on empty.

Today, we’re talking about something that so many people experience but rarely know how to name: survival mode.

You know what I mean, when you’re technically functioning, but it all feels like treading water with a backpack full of bricks. When your brain is fried, your body is tense, and everything, from answering a message to making a decision feels heavier than it should. You might still be working, parenting, meeting deadlines, showing up to the world like a semi-capable adult. But inside, it’s a completely different story.

Now here’s the thing I always say to my clients: survival mode can feel like being strapped into a rollercoaster you never chose to get on. One of those relentless ones that just won’t stop, there’s no break, no breath, no gentle glide. Just loops, sudden drops, unexpected bends, and that stomach-clenching feeling of holding on tight, wondering what hit is coming next.

You want it to stop so you can just breathe. Just be. But instead, you find yourself locked in, white-knuckling your way through every day, hoping for calm but expecting chaos.

And what makes it harder is that from the outside, no one can see it. Your friends might think you’re just “busy.” Your colleagues assume you’re managing. Maybe even you’ve convinced yourself that “this is just life” that tired is normal, that overwhelm is just part of adulthood.

But behind closed doors, you’re whispering things to yourself like:
💭 “Why can’t I get it together?”
💭 “Everyone else seems to be coping, what’s wrong with me?”
💭 “If I stop, I might not be able to start again.”
💭 “I don’t even know what I need anymore.”
💭 “I just want to disappear for a bit.”

And I want you to know, those thoughts? They are not signs of failure. They are signs of a nervous system that has been doing too much for too long without support.

See, the thing about survival mode is that it’s smart. It’s your nervous system going into protective gear. When the brain perceives a threat, whether that’s a screaming argument, childhood chaos, chronic stress, illness, loss, or just being constantly overextended, it triggers a physiological state designed to keep you safe. You might fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. You might numb out. Over-function. Overthink. Or you might simply stop feeling altogether, because feeling is too risky.

Survival mode isn’t just about reacting to danger, it’s about adapting to long-term threat. And the kicker is, once it becomes a habit, it starts to feel like your personality. You begin to believe you’re just ‘anxious’ or ‘indecisive’ or ‘lazy’ or ‘cold’ when actually, your nervous system has been running a survival algorithm for years.

And I want to say this clearly: if you’re in that space right now, if you’re exhausted, checked out, numb, or constantly bracing for the next crash, you’re not failing. You’re surviving.

But also… you deserve more than just surviving.

You deserve a life that feels safe enough to live in. Not just one you’re trying to manage, or tolerate, or get through. A life that feels like yours, full of clarity, connection, contentment, and purpose. A life that feels Happya.

So how do you know if you’re stuck in survival mode? Well, it might show up as burnout that never quite goes away. The kind of fatigue that sleep doesn’t fix. A constant background noise of anxiety, even when things are technically “fine.” You might avoid rest because it feels unfamiliar. Or you fill every moment with something, a task, a to-do list, a scroll, because slowing down feels dangerous.

Or maybe you’ve built a life that looks full, work, parenting, responsibilities but feels empty. You can’t remember the last time you felt joy without guilt. Or stillness without panic. Or connection without having to perform.

These aren’t character flaws. These are symptoms of a nervous system stuck in hypervigilance.

And here’s the truth: You can’t think your way out of survival mode. You can’t positive-affirmation your way out of it. Because this isn’t just happening in your mind, it’s happening in your body. It’s neurobiological. And so the way out has to begin there too.

When the nervous system has been on high alert for a long time, it loses the ability to distinguish between what’s genuinely dangerous and what’s just unfamiliar. Saying no, expressing a need, letting someone down gently all of those things can feel threatening when your body is wired to prioritise keeping the peace.

This is why recovery starts with safety. Not productivity. Not transformation. Not chasing your best self. But safety.

Your system needs to learn, slowly, consistently, that it’s safe to rest. Safe to say no. Safe to stop scanning. Safe to exist without constantly anticipating the next blow.

So let’s talk about small steps. Not surface-level hacks, but real, body-informed signals that tell your nervous system “you’re okay.”
☑️ One breath, slowly in, slowly out, where you let your shoulders drop just a little.
 ☑️ Drinking your coffee without multitasking.
 ☑️ Putting your bare feet on the floor and just noticing how it feels.
 ☑️ Looking around the room and naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear.

These are not gimmicks. These are physiological anchors. But they are not the whole answer. They’re the symptom soothers, not the root solution.

Because here’s the truth I don’t shy away from: you can only treat the surface for so long. If you’re not living your Happya life, with clarity, with contentment, with fulfilment and meaning, then these small practices will eventually stop being enough.

And that’s where the deeper work comes in. The real work. The kind that says:
✨ Who am I, really?
 ✨ What do I want, underneath the noise and the expectations?
 ✨ Do I truly believe I’m worthy of receiving it?
 ✨ What am I holding onto that’s no longer serving me and what am I ready to let go of?

I’ve walked this path myself. I’ve supported countless women, intelligent, capable, high-performing women who on paper “have it all” but feel utterly disconnected from their lives. And I know that the way out isn’t just another morning routine or mindset tweak.

It’s a reclamation.

And that’s why I created the Blooming Happya programme. It’s not a quick fix. It’s a guided journey out of survival mode and into something deeper, where you reconnect with yourself, regulate your nervous system, rewrite the story you’re living by, and begin to thrive with intention and courage.

This work takes something. But you won’t be doing it alone.

So if something in you is stirring, a quiet voice saying, “This is what I need” I invite you to come closer. Join my weekly letter. Book a free, pressure-free chat with me. Or simply listen again with your hand on your heart and whisper, “I’m allowed to want more.”

You’re not broken. You’re rebuilding. And this isn’t the end, it’s the invitation to begin again, on your terms.

This is your moment, to stop waiting for permission, for timing, for things to calm down. Because let’s be honest: life doesn’t slow down. But you can choose to move differently through it. You can choose to stop surviving on scraps of energy and start living with clarity, confidence, and peace.

You can wake up and not dread the day ahead. You can parent without burning out. You can make decisions without overthinking every outcome. You can hold boundaries without guilt. You can walk into a room and take up space, unapologetically, fully, without shrinking.

You can remember who you are, before the burnout, before the heartbreak, before the roles and responsibilities swallowed you up.

You want to feel calm and capable again. You want to reconnect with your joy, real joy, not the Instagram-filtered kind. You want to be present with the people you love without resenting the never-ending demands. You want space to breathe. To dream. To feel proud of your life, not just responsible for it.

That’s what’s possible. That’s what we’re building. Not some perfect, performative version of healing but a deeply grounded, fully human kind of wholeness.

And I know this not just because I’m an expert in my field, not just because I’ve studied the psychology and the science, or trained in the therapies that support healing, I know this because I’ve lived it. I’ve spent years in survival mode. I know what it feels like to smile on the outside and scream on the inside.
And that’s why I’m so passionate about helping other women break free. Because this isn’t just theory, it’s personal. And it’s possible.

If you’re ready, I’m here.

💛 Clare x