Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast. I’m Clare Deacon, positive psychology coach, trauma-informed therapist, founder of Happya, and someone who knows all too well what it feels like to be frozen by life. Whether you’re brand new here or one of our beautiful returning listeners, I’m so grateful you’re tuning in today.

So before we dive in, take a moment. Exhale. Drop your shoulders. Let your nervous system know it’s safe here.

Because this episode is tender. It’s honest. And it might just feel like the conversation you didn’t know you needed. Especially if you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected, or like life is happening around you but you can’t quite step back into it.

Have you ever felt the weight of life becoming unbearable, not because you’re physically overloaded or burnt out, but because your mind and body have just... shut down? You’re functioning. You’re doing what needs to be done. But everything feels foggy, hollow, paused.

That’s not laziness. That’s not weakness. That’s your body’s built-in survival mechanism. That’s the freeze response.

And this is something I’ve lived personally. Recently, actually. Life tossed some unexpected curveballs my way, emotionally, mentally, energetically. And my body responded by shutting off. My thoughts clouded. Even small decisions became impossible. And rather than powering through, I froze.

Here’s the thing I want you to hear: this is why self-care is not just a luxury, or a Sunday bath with candles. Real self-care is knowing what your nervous system needs to stay regulated. It’s knowing how to soothe rather than scold. And it’s having the awareness to say, “Ah, I know what this is. I know what I need.”

That’s what I mean when I talk about your Happya Survival Kit. Not a Pinterest-perfect routine. But actual tools to meet your needs, when life is stable, and when life throws chaos your way.

So that’s what today is about. We’re unpacking the freeze response. We’ll explore what it is, why it’s not your fault, and how to begin gently thawing from it.

1. What Is the Freeze Response, Really?

You’ve likely heard of fight or flight. It’s our nervous system’s response to danger. But there’s another response that doesn’t get talked about enough: freeze. This is what happens when the brain decides the threat is too overwhelming to run from or fight. So it conserves energy. It slows everything down.

Freeze is what trauma therapists call a dorsal vagal state. It’s part of your parasympathetic nervous system, the branch that typically calms you. But in freeze, it goes into overdrive. You disconnect. You lose energy. You shut down.

In freeze, the prefrontal cortex, that’s the part of your brain that handles logic, reason, decision-making, goes offline. Emotions get numbed. Movement feels impossible. Connection feels unsafe or unreachable.

And this can happen after a build-up of stress or a single traumatic event. For some, it’s cyclical. For others, it’s situational.

Let me speak to those of you who have experienced major loss. When my husband passed away, my brain literally shut down. I could hear people talking, but their voices were muffled. Like I was underwater. I couldn’t read, the words had no meaning. My brain was conserving all available energy just to keep me alive.

If you’ve been there, I want you to know: you are not broken. You are not failing. Your body is keeping you alive. And there is a way back. A gentle, grounded way.

2. Why Freeze Isn’t Your Fault Or a Character Flaw

Let me be clear: you didn’t choose this. Freeze is not a mindset problem. It’s not about willpower. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you when the world feels too much.

If your life has been shaped by trauma, high expectations, emotional labour, or chronic stress, your system may default to freeze as its baseline safety strategy.

And what often happens next? Shame. We judge ourselves for being stuck. But here’s the science: shame actually reactivates the same stress system that got you into freeze in the first place.

So what if, instead of judgment, you offered yourself compassion? What if being stuck was a sign of your strength, that your body was doing its best to keep you safe?

What does kindness to yourself look like right now?

3. From Your Freeze to Mine, The Curveball I Didn’t See

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been moving through my own freeze state lately. Energetic overload, emotional fatigue, decision paralysis. It all added up.

Emails were unread. Days blurred. Even simple tasks felt like mountains. And instead of fighting it, I noticed it.

I named it.

I let it be okay.

I turned to my own Happya Survival Kit, breath, music, somatic movement, deep rest. I asked: What do I need today to feel 2% more resourced?

So if that’s where you are right now, I want you to know I’m not talking down to you. I’m sitting right next to you.

You don’t have to push your way out. You can invite yourself back to life.

4. How to Begin Re-Engaging, With Presence Not Pressure

Here are a few gentle ways to start thawing:

• Ground gently: Bare feet on the floor. Notice the weight of your body. Do a 5-senses check-in. What can you see, hear, feel, smell, taste?
• Micro-movements: Move one finger. Roll one shoulder. Blink slowly. Sigh. These tiny movements remind your body it can act again.
• Offer permission: Speak kindly to yourself. Say: “It’s okay to be here. It’s okay to go slow.” Reassure your system that it’s safe to re-engage.
• Join, don’t hustle: Listen to a podcast. Open a window. Smell the air. Let yourself witness life again.
• Anchor in values: Ask: What would kindness do next? What would rest choose? What’s one action that moves me toward the life I want to feel?

What’s your next gentle step? What would 2% more regulation look like today?

5. Why This Matters, The Science and Psychology of Movement

When freeze takes over, your dorsal vagal system, the part responsible for slowing everything down, gets stuck in the "on" position. That leads to low energy, disconnection, and cognitive fog.

But when you move, even slightly, your nervous system shifts. Your prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for rational thought, planning and decision-making) starts to light up again. Neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin begin to flow. You reconnect with possibility.

This is what I call choice reactivation. You tell your body: “I’m safe. I can choose again.”

Even one stretch. One breath. One kind thought can be enough to begin that process.

6. What Freedom Looks Like Over Time

You don’t go from freeze to fireworks. You go from freeze to feeling.

Little by little, you return to yourself. You laugh again. You make decisions again. You feel moments of joy without guilt.

You reclaim the steering wheel.

And when the freeze creeps back because sometimes it will, you’ll recognise it. You’ll have tools. You’ll know it’s not forever.

7. Invitation Into That Thaw, What You Can Do

So, here’s what I want you to try:

Today, choose one micro-action. It might be opening a window. Drinking a glass of water. Writing one sentence in a journal. Letting sunlight hit your skin.

Let it be enough.

And if you want to take a bigger step: subscribe to the podcast. Join my weekly letter at Happya. Follow along on Instagram. Or book a free connection chat with me. You’re not meant to do this alone.

Working with me isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about returning to yourself.

So, what do you need today? Can you give yourself permission to receive it?

8. Recap, What I Hope You Carry Away

If your body has gone quiet… if you feel frozen… if you’re just doing what needs to be done and nothing more, let me offer these reminders:

• You’re not broken. You’re protecting.
• You’re not lazy. You’re in a survival state.
• You don’t need to power through. You need to power with yourself.
• Micro-movements matter.
• You get to come back to life, slowly, softly, on your terms.

Let those land.

9. What’s Possible Beyond Freeze

Imagine waking up and feeling your breath without panic. Making a decision without spiralling. Feeling connection that doesn’t drain you. Resting without guilt.

That’s what’s waiting beyond the freeze.

Not a perfect life. But a life where you feel like you again.

If you’re in that frozen space today, I’m holding you in my heart.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me walk beside you.

Until next time, take kind care of you.

💛 Clare x