Hello and welcome to The Happya Life Podcast. I’m Clare Deacon, positive psychology coach, trauma-informed therapist, and founder of Happya. If you’re new here, welcome to this safe corner of the internet. If you’re returning, I’m so glad you’re back. Whether you’re driving, walking, or hiding in the loo for a moment of peace, this episode is here to meet you where you’re at.

Today we’re talking about something I see over and over again in my work with clients, and in my own personal healing: the myths that surround trauma recovery. Those unhelpful, outdated beliefs that can sneak into your head and convince you that you’re doing it wrong. That you’re broken. That healing is a straight line from pain to peace.

Let me say it right here at the top: healing is not linear. It doesn’t follow a tidy path. And it definitely doesn’t come with a checklist. If you’ve ever felt like you were making progress only to find yourself right back in the thick of it, please know: that’s not failure. That’s healing.

So in today’s episode, I want to explore the biggest myths I hear about trauma recovery, why they keep you stuck, and what you can do instead. We’ll also look at how you can meet setbacks with compassion instead of criticism, and how to stay grounded even when the path winds in directions you didn’t expect.

Let’s begin.

Myth 1: Healed people never get triggered

Let’s just rip the plaster off with this one. The idea that a "healed" person never gets triggered is one of the most damaging myths out there. Being triggered doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human, with a nervous system that remembers.

The real marker of healing isn’t that you never get activated. It’s that when you do, you know what to do. You have tools. You have awareness. And maybe, just maybe, you’re a little kinder to yourself in the moment.

Your trauma doesn’t vanish. It integrates. And with that integration comes capacity, not perfection.

What if next time you’re triggered, instead of spiralling into shame, you paused and asked: *"What part of me is asking for care right now?"

Let’s also clear something up. Trauma isn’t defined by the event. It’s defined by the impact it has on you. It doesn’t need a headline. It doesn’t have to shock other people to be valid. Trauma is individual. It’s personal. Some of us are more resilient to certain things. Others aren’t. That doesn’t make one response more real than another. Just like some people laugh at a joke that leaves others stone-faced, our nervous systems react uniquely.

Myth 2: You have to hit rock bottom to begin healing

This one is sneaky. It shows up in those moments when you think, "I’m not doing badly enough to ask for help" or "Other people have it worse."

You don’t have to break to begin. You don’t have to prove your pain. You are allowed to want more for your life without waiting for everything to fall apart first.

Healing can begin from a whisper, not a scream. A quiet knowing that something isn’t working. A longing for more ease, more meaning, more alignment.

How many times have you said "I’m okay" while quietly falling apart inside? How often have you swallowed your sadness because you didn’t want to be a burden? Told yourself to put your big girl pants on and get through it? Thought, “I just need to survive this week, then I’ll be fine”? Those phrases are armor. And they kept me stuck in survival mode for years.

I was physically safe. The traumatic events had ended. But I hadn’t processed any of it. I kept pushing. I thought needing help made me weak. I didn’t get the support I needed until after my husband died. That grief gave others permission to understand my pain and finally, I gave myself permission too. Even then, I struggled to accept help. I believed I had to be strong. I remember sitting in therapy, wrestling with the idea that allowing support wasn’t weakness. It was human.

Myth 3: Time heals all wounds

Time might soften the edges, yes. But unprocessed trauma doesn’t disappear just because the calendar pages turn.

If you’re still affected by something that happened years ago, it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your body still remembers. Time passing isn’t the same as time processing.

When you bury your emotions, you bury them alive. They don’t disappear. They get louder. They shape your responses. They drive your behaviours. They become the limiting beliefs and subconscious patterns that keep you stuck.

So if something from the past is still hurting, that’s okay. It just means there’s something in you asking to be seen. Held. Healed.

Myth 4: If you still struggle, you’re doing something wrong

Healing isn’t linear. It’s not a straight line from wounded to whole. There are peaks, valleys, and plateaus. There are good days and hard days.

Setbacks aren’t signs of failure. They’re part of the process. Expecting them doesn’t mean you’re negative, it means you’re realistic. You’re kind to yourself when they happen.

On the healing journey, you’re going to hit bumps in the road. That’s not backtracking. That’s being human. Think of it like blooming. As the petals open, we sometimes uncover residue from old wounds. And we get the chance to heal those too.

In the beginning, every step feels like a mountain. But with time, you build strength. You find your rhythm. And one day, you realise, you’re already halfway up.

Myth 5: You should be "over it" by now

Says who? Who set the timeline for your healing?

I remember someone saying to me, nine months after my husband died “You need to cheer up. You’re making people sad.”

It was devastating. It hurt more than they realised. Because what I heard was, “You’re failing. You’re not grieving fast enough.”

And believe me, I was trying. I had made a promise to my husband to live, to find happiness again. But in that moment, that comment shattered me.

And I see this myth play out with my children too. People think that because time has passed, they should somehow be “over it.” But their loss hasn’t changed. They still miss him every single day. They want him there, to talk to, to confide in, to make them feel safe, to hear his love, to know he is proud of them, to celebrate with them. The fact that he has now been gone longer than they had with him doesn’t change their loss. There will always be a space in their lives.

Healing doesn’t follow a schedule. There is no finish line. You don’t have to rush.

The question isn’t, “Am I over it yet?” It’s, “Am I meeting myself with honesty and care today?”

What To Do Instead: Healing That Moves Like a Spiral

I want you to think of healing not as a straight road, but a spiral. You come back to similar places, but each time with more awareness. More tools. More capacity.

It’s like walking through a forest. You might pass the same tree, but now you notice the roots. You know where to step. You walk steadier.

That’s recovery. Not perfection. But evolution. Progress wrapped in compassion.

And yes, it takes work. It takes support. But you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it.

Setbacks Aren’t Failure. They’re Feedback

Next time you feel yourself spiralling, try asking:

• What might my body be trying to protect me from?
• What feels overwhelming right now?
• What’s the smallest next step I can take?

Maybe it’s a breath. A pause. A kind word. Maybe it’s reaching out. Or resting. Or simply noticing, “This is hard. And I’m still here.”

Your nervous system isn’t sabotaging you. It’s protecting you. Your job is to build trust with it. Slowly. Gently. Consistently.

A Final Invitation + Recap

You don’t have to do this alone.

The Happya approach, the work I do, is here to walk with you. Through coaching, the podcast, my weekly letters, and one-to-one support.

If you’re feeling stuck, or ready to move forward, come say hello. Subscribe. Join the newsletter. Book a free connection call.

There’s no one-size-fits-all way to heal. But there is a way that’s right for you. And I’d be honoured to help you find it.

Before we go, let’s quickly recap the key takeaways from today:

• Healing is not linear. Expect ebbs and flows.
• Being triggered doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human.
• You don’t need to hit rock bottom to begin. Start wherever you are.
• Time alone doesn’t heal, it’s what you do with it that matters.
• Struggling isn’t failure. It’s part of the journey.
• There is no “getting over it” only learning to live with it differently.
• Healing looks different for everyone. You are allowed to take your time.

Thank you for letting me share this space with you. Wherever you are on your journey, I see you.

Until next time, take kind care of you.

💛 Clare x