Welcome back to The Happya Life. I’m Clare Deacon, trauma-informed therapist, positive psychology coach, and founder of Happya and today we’re talking about a time of year that brings up so many mixed emotions for the women I work with.

The festive season.

Now, I’ll be honest I genuinely love parts of it. I love the lights, the slowness, the reflection, the cosiness of it. I love the idea of December the peace, the warmth, the gathering.

But so many women especially women with a history of trauma, chronic stress, emotional overload, burnout, or complicated family dynamics tell me the same thing:
 “I love the idea of Christmas… I just don’t love how it feels.”

For many, this time of year isn’t festive.
 It’s frazzled.

It’s overstimulating.
 It’s emotionally loaded.
 It’s physically exhausting.
 It’s full of expectations.
 It’s full of pressure, internal and external.
 It’s a lot.

And if that’s how it feels for you, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
 You’re not dramatic.
 You’re not being “too sensitive.”
 You’re not overreacting.

Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do in order to keep you safe.

This episode is your soft place to land your calm inside the chaos.
 We’re going to gently explore why the festive season overwhelms your nervous system, how to soothe yourself in real time, and how to set soft boundaries without feeling like a bad person.
 And we’ll sprinkle in a lot of permission, permission to do less, need more, and protect your peace.

Let’s take a breath together before we begin.
 Drop your shoulders.
 Let your jaw soften.
 Feel your feet for a moment even if you’re walking or standing.
 Just one breath.
 You’re here.
 You’re safe enough.
 We can start.

Here’s the first truth I want you to hold:
 Your nervous system doesn’t care that it’s Christmas.

It doesn’t care that you’ve spent weeks planning, or that you’ve written six lists, or that everyone else seems excited.
 Your nervous system is not swayed by fairy lights or matching pyjamas.
 It doesn’t respond to “but it’s a special occasion!”

It responds to one question above all:
 Am I safe?

Am I regulated?
 Am I grounded?
 Am I emotionally connected to myself?
 Am I overwhelmed?
 Am I in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?

And during the festive season, the honest answer is… often not really.

There are so many reasons for this:

More people.
 More noise.
 More demands.
 More stimulation.
 More pressure to be “on.”
 More travel.
 More unpredictable dynamics.
 More expectations.
 More emotional memories.
 More grief.
 More family roles you thought you’d outgrown.

And less rest.
 Less space.
 Less quiet.
 Less grounding.
 Less routine.
 Less regulation.

From the emotional overload resource Why You Feel So Much we know that many women are already operating from a heightened baseline. High sensitivity, hyper-attunement, old emotional habits, fawning, freezing, over functioning, emotional intensity… all these patterns make December feel even heavier.

So, if you’re feeling more anxious, more irritable, more tearful, or more drained this time of year it’s not that you can’t cope.

It’s that your system is overstimulated.

Let’s talk about why this happens.

The vagus nerve, the main communication highway between your brain and body is constantly scanning your environment for safety cues.
 Warmth, calm, gentle tone of voice, slower pace, soft gaze, these signal safety.
 Noise, pressure, unpredictability, intensity, time limits these signal threats.

And the festive season is full of micro-threats to the nervous system.
 Not dangers but demands.

For women with a trauma or burnout history, your system has learned to be hypervigilant. Constantly scanning. Constantly adjusting. Constantly managing the emotional climate.

So, when you combine hypervigilance with overstimulation and emotional expectation it’s a lot.

And your body reacts accordingly:
 Tension.
 Shallow breathing.
 Numbness.
 Tight chest.
 Shaky energy.
 Irritability.
 Overwhelm.
 Shutting down.
 Or feeling everything too intensely.

None of this is a flaw.
 It is a pattern your nervous system learned to survive.

So how do we soothe that system?
 How do we protect our peace when the world gets louder?

Let’s walk through some gentle, accessible tools no perfection, no pressure.

Tool one: Bookend your day with grounding.

This one is simple but powerful.
 Start and end your day with two to five minutes of intentional regulation.

This could be putting both hands on your heart and taking three slow breaths.
 Or breathing in for four, holding for one, and exhaling for six.
 Or sitting with your feet flat on the floor and noticing the weight of your body.
 Or looking out of a window not scrolling, not thinking just noticing something still.

These moments are not indulgent.
 They’re not “extras.”
 They’re essential reset points.
 They tell your body:
 “We are safe. You can soften.”

If you forget, that’s okay.
 Try again tomorrow.
 This is gentle work, not a test.

Tool two: Set sensory boundaries.

Not emotional boundaries, sensory ones.

If crowds make you tense, give yourself permission to step outside for a few minutes.
 If loud voices overwhelm you, take a quiet break in another room.
 If you’re visiting family, and everything feels too much, go to the bathroom, close the door, and breathe.

One of my favourite grounding practices is this:
 Place one hand on your heart and one on your stomach.
 Inhale slowly.
 Exhale with a soft sigh.
 And whisper:
 “I can return to myself.”

It’s subtle.
 It’s private.
 But it works.

Tool three: Prepare for known triggers.

Most of us already know what emotionally activates us in December.

A particular person.
 A topic.
 A family pattern.
 A house that’s too full.
 A memory.
 An expectation.

Instead of waiting to be overwhelmed, plan your regulation in advance.

“If Aunt Jane asks me why I’m still single, I’ll take a slow breath before I answer.”

“If Dad brings up that old habit of talking over me, I will gently anchor my feet into the floor.”

“If the kids are overstimulated, I’ll step outside for a minute to reset.”

“If I feel my chest tightening, I’ll go make a cup of tea.”

This is not avoidance.
 This is preparation.
 This is emotional safety.

Tool four: Create a sensory anchor.

This might sound small, but it’s powerful.
 Carry something grounding a smooth stone, a piece of fabric, a bracelet you can rub with your thumb.
 A physical object that reminds your nervous system:
 “We are here. We are okay.”

Your body responds to cues even tiny ones.

Tool five: Rehearse your no.

Not every boundary needs to be a big statement.
 Sometimes it sounds like:

“I’ve reached my limit for today.”
 “I need a quiet moment.”
 “I’m going to step outside for some air.”
 “I’d love to help, but I can’t take that on right now.”
 “I’ll join you in a bit just taking a breather.”

Boundaries are not rejection.
 Boundaries are regulation.
 You’re not trying to control others.
 You’re supporting your own system.

And yes, guilt might show up.
 Especially if you’re used to people-pleasing, peacekeeping, or fawning.

But guilt is not a sign you’ve done something wrong.
 Guilt is a sign that you’re doing something new.

A different pattern.
 A different choice.
 A different way of supporting yourself.

And your nervous system needs time to adjust.
 This is exactly what EMOTIONAL RESET teaches that guilt, overreaction, overwhelm, shutting down… are all nervous system responses that can be soothed, not judged.

Let’s pause here for a moment.
 Take a long, slow breath in… and out.
 If you can, let your out-breath be slightly longer.
 Let your shoulders drop.
 Let your body know you’re safe enough right now.

Okay.

I want to talk about permission.
 Because if there’s one thing I want you to hold this festive season, it’s this:

You are allowed to not enjoy everything.

You are allowed to do less.
 Say no.
 Leave early.
 Arrive late.
 Skip the drama.
 Skip the pressure.
 Create your own traditions.
 Protect your energy.
 Rest more.
 Give less.
 Be quiet.
 Be soft.
 Be yourself.

You don’t owe anyone a version of you that costs your wellbeing.

Not even at Christmas.

Your emotional energy matters.
 Your nervous system matters.
 Your pace matters.
 Your limits matter.

Here’s your gentle journal or reflection prompt for this week:

Where can I give myself five minutes of regulation, even in the chaos?

Maybe it’s in the car before you go inside.
 Maybe it’s in the bathroom leaning against the sink.
 Maybe it’s when everyone else is distracted.
 Maybe it’s before bed.
 Maybe it’s in the morning before the house wakes up.

Five minutes can change everything.

And if this episode has made you think, “Clare, this is me. I live in emotional overload all year, not just at Christmas,” then I want to invite you into support that actually meets you where you are.

If you’re ready for a conversation if you want clarity, support, and a soft place to land book a complimentary chat with me. It’s not a sales call. It’s a real conversation about what you’re carrying, what’s overwhelming you, and what support might genuinely help you. The link is in the show notes.

And if you’re not ready to talk that’s absolutely okay.
 You can begin gently with the free resource: Why You Feel So Much: The 3 Hidden Habits Keeping You in Emotional Overload.
It explains why your emotions feel so intense, why your system reacts the way it does, and how to begin soothing it.
The link is in the show notes too.

Thank you for being here.
 Thank you for caring for your nervous system.
 Thank you for giving yourself grace in a season that asks so much of you.

Next week, we’re exploring how to navigate the holidays without losing yourself because your emotional wellbeing deserves protection, not perfection.

Until then…
 breathe gently,
 honour your limits,
 and remember:
 you don’t need to earn your rest.