Welcome back to The Happya Life. I’m Clare Deacon, trauma-informed therapist, positive psychology coach, and founder of Happya, and today’s episode lands on a day that carries so much emotion for so many.

It’s Christmas Eve.

And while the world is full of sparkle and celebration and “cherish every moment,” so many are silently holding tension, grief, overwhelm, old wounds, family expectations, or simply the weight of wanting everything to be different than it is.
So if today feels tender… or complicated… or emotionally full… or strangely numb this episode is your permission slip.

A hand on your shoulder.
A grounding breath.

A reminder that you don’t have to lose yourself just because it’s the holidays.
We’re going to talk gently about navigating complicated family dynamics, loneliness, grief, pressure, emotional burnout and how to stay connected to yourself, even when the world feels loud and demanding.
And if your nervous system is already buzzing… if you feel like you’re bracing for tomorrow… or if there’s a quiet ache that you haven’t named yet… you’re not alone.
I’m right here with you.

Let’s take a slow breath first.
Just soften your shoulders.
Unclench your jaw.
Let the breath arrive without forcing it.
You’re here.
You’re safe enough in this moment.
We can begin.

Here’s a truth most people won’t say out loud: the holidays are hard.
Not for everyone but for more women than you realise.

They stir up grief.
They resurface the roles you’ve worked hard to outgrow.
They bring up unmet needs, old family patterns, unresolved tension, and personal disappointments.

They amplify loneliness, even in a room full of people.
They poke at your nervous system in ways you can’t always name.
You might be surrounded by family and feel completely unseen.
You might be physically alone and feel forgotten.
You might be in a house full of noise and activity and still feel completely disconnected.

And none of this means you’re broken.
It means you’re aware.

It means your internal world is telling the truth, even when the external world expects you to pretend.

For many women, this season feels like one long emotional landmine.
A series of unpredictable moments that trigger old memories, old hurts, old versions of yourself.

This is exactly what I talk about in when working with emotional overload, hyper-attunement, shutdown, fawning, people-pleasing, freezing all the ways your nervous system tries to manage intensity when it hasn’t been taught safety.
And Christmas Eve is full of intensity.

So let’s start with family dynamics, because these are often the biggest emotional triggers.

You’ve been doing the inner work. You’ve been healing, setting boundaries, reconnecting to yourself, noticing patterns, speaking your truth more often.
You’ve grown.

And then… you walk into a family gathering and it feels like the entire ecosystem pulls you back into a former version of yourself.

Not because you haven’t changed.
But because others still expect you to play the role you’ve always played.
Maybe you were the peacemaker.
The fixer.
The emotional caretaker.
The one who kept the peace by staying silent.
The one who smoothed everything over.
The one who swallowed her needs to make others comfortable.
The strong one.
The invisible one.

Inside Emotional Reset, this is one of the biggest shifts women face:
you grow… but your family system doesn’t always come with you.
So when you return to that environment, your nervous system remembers the old pattern the old survival strategy before your new one even has a chance.
This might show up as tension in your chest.

A knot in your stomach.
A heaviness behind your eyes.
An urge to withdraw.
An urge to overperform.

Or that strange floating sensation the beginning of shutdown.
And I want you to hear this clearly:
Your growth does NOT disappear just because someone doesn’t acknowledge it.
You are not who you were.
And you are not obligated to play old roles even if others keep inviting you into them.

You’re allowed to step outside for air.
You’re allowed to breathe.
You’re allowed to say, “I’m not discussing that today.”
You’re allowed to remove yourself from a conversation that feels unsafe.
You’re allowed to create space between you and the patterns that once defined you.

Even if they don’t understand, you do.
And that’s what matters.
Now let’s talk about loneliness, because this time of year highlights it in a very particular way.

You might be alone today, physically.

Or you might be surrounded by people and feel emotionally alone.
You might be missing someone who should be here a partner, a loved one, a version of yourself that existed before life changed.
You might be grieving the life you imagined, the family you hoped for, the relationship you wanted, the support you longed for.

And in a world filled with curated joy, your loneliness can feel invisible.
But it isn’t.
I see you.
Your body sees you.
Your heart sees you.
Your grief is real and it doesn’t make you ungrateful.
It makes you human.
Let’s talk about emotional energy, because this is at the core of why the holidays feel so overwhelming.
Imagine your emotional energy as a battery not just your physical energy, but your psychological, emotional, and relational reserves.
Every conversation, every decision, every environment either drains or replenishes that battery.
So ask yourself, very gently:
Who replenishes me today?
What drains me?
Where do I need a buffer?
What would help me feel just 5% more grounded?
What would support my nervous system in this moment?
Your job today isn’t to manage everyone else’s comfort.
Your job is to care for the system you live in your body, your mind, your emotional world.

Let me give you a few anchoring practices to help you stay connected to yourself.
First: create a morning moment just for you.
Even five minutes.
Make your cup of tea.
Stand by a window.
Feel your breath.
Place a hand on your heart.
Whisper something to yourself like, “I matter,” or “I’m allowed to take up space,” or “I choose gentleness today.”
This isn’t about productivity.
This is about anchoring your nervous system before the day takes over.
Second: choose one non-negotiable boundary.
Not ten.
Not a full list.
Just one.
Maybe it’s giving yourself permission to leave early.
Maybe it’s refusing to discuss a particular topic.
Maybe it’s excusing yourself when you feel activated.
Maybe it’s saying no to something you normally force yourself to say yes to.
You don’t need to fix all dynamics today.
You’re choosing one small act of self-protection.
Third: build in reset breaks.
These are tiny moments where you check in with your body.
Step into another room.
Put headphones on for a minute.
Go for a short walk.
Sit in the bathroom and breathe.
Lay on the bed for two minutes with your eyes closed.
Drink a cold glass of water.
Press your feet into the ground.
Place your hand on your heart.
These aren’t escapes.
They’re regulation.
Your nervous system needs these pauses especially when you’re in triggering or overstimulating environments.

Fourth: release the “shoulds.”

You don’t have to enjoy everything today.
You don’t have to feel festive.
You don’t have to be grateful every second.
You don’t have to perform a version of yourself that feels emotionally expensive.
You are allowed to feel your truth whatever it is.
And if today feels like a mixture of joy and grief, hope and heaviness, connection and disconnect that is valid.

Real life is allowed to be layered.
Maybe you’re coping with a loss.
Maybe someone is missing from your table.
Maybe you’re navigating heartbreak, illness, or identity shifts.
Maybe it’s your first Christmas after a separation, a death, a diagnosis, a move, or a massive life change.

You don’t need to be grateful for it.
You just need to be gentle with yourself in it.
Let your grief breathe.
Let your emotions rise and fall without judging them.
Let yourself feel whatever your body is holding.
And now here’s your gentle reflection for this week:

What do I need to feel connected to myself even in this environment?

Not what others need.
Not what you think you should need.
Not what the holiday demands from you.
What you need to stay anchored.

Maybe it’s solitude.
Maybe it’s softness.
Maybe it’s honesty.
Maybe it’s quiet.
Maybe it’s stepping outside.
Maybe it’s letting yourself cry.
Maybe it’s noticing the smallest thing that feels like peace.
Maybe it’s giving yourself permission to want a different kind of life going forward.

Write it down.
Say it out loud.
Honour it.

You don’t have to disappear to be loved.
You don’t have to perform to be included.
You don’t have to overgive to be enough.
And if today feels heavy if this episode hit a tender spot I want to offer you support in a way that feels safe and gentle.
If you’re longing for clarity, connection, emotional grounding, if you’re tired of feeling overwhelmed by your own feelings book a complimentary chat with me.
It’s not a pressured call.
It’s a conversation about what you’re carrying and what support might feel like relief.
And if you’re not ready for that that’s completely okay.

You can begin softly with the free Emotional Overload guide: Why You Feel So Much The 3 Hidden Habits Keeping You in Emotional Overload.
It will help you understand why your emotions feel so big, so deep, so fast and what your nervous system is actually trying to do when it seems like you’re “too sensitive.”

The link is in the show notes.
Thank you for being here with me today with your truth, your tenderness, your courage.

Next week, we’ll explore how to move from survival into intentional, hopeful living as we close out the year because you deserve more than coping.
You deserve to feel like yourself again.
Until then, protect your peace.
Honour your needs.

And remember: surviving the holidays does not mean losing yourself.
You’re allowed to stay connected to you.
Until next time.